The Virgin Marty

Valentine’s Day V-card.

Table for one, sir?

As the annual celebration of Saint Valentine rolls around again, I thought I’d bite the bullet on this topic. After last week’s article, where I said I was going to do my best to be a bit more personal and subjective in my authentic expression…well, it’s difficult to get more personal than this topic!

Being a 30+ virgin man is not brilliant in 2026, if I’m honest. It’s probably not been brilliant at any time in modern history really, but I’m not here to start a woe is me pity parade, that’s not the angle I want to take. It’s funny how most people think I’m doing it (or not doing it haha) for religious reasons, but I’m not. We’ll return to the religiosity surrounding virginity, but the idea of an atheist man not wanting to have sex without truly loving and being committed to the woman he’s with seems bemusing to society.

My article, “Disposable Humans”, highlights the issues with the hedonic and nihilistic nature of modern relationships. No surprise, I don’t want any part of it. I think people are largely confused about what they’re dating for and why. I feel that this attitude of “oh well if it doesn’t work, I’ll just end it and move on” has led to people being reduced to consumable products to be used and discarded as seen fit – which is not conducive to long-term, fulfilling relationships.

Photo by Jessica Hearn on Unsplash.

I’m still very much a sexual being – I’m not a sexual prude or snob. I might be chaste, but I find sex and sexuality a fascinating topic to think, talk and joke about. Sadly, people wrongly conflate my situation with that of the “Incel”, the modern phenomenon used exclusively as a pejorative. As previously mentioned, virginity is a prominent thematic concern and strongly associated with various religions, and for a long time they’ve owned the monopoly, rightly or wrongly, over the morality of society. 60+ years of sexual revolution has attempted to free people from the chastity belt, for better or worse.

So, purity, is it all that it’s cracked up to be?

In short, yes, I do believe it’s worth it otherwise I wouldn’t do it. Granted, I’m not relentlessly pushing hordes of women away – one at a time please, ladies – so, my purity is not constantly under threat, but I’m not the epitome of man either. I haven’t aggressively pursued finding a girlfriend/wife, especially in the last decade, and it takes a lot for me to ascertain whether or not someone is viable for a relationship (can one take this too seriously?). I’m not particularly wealthy and I’m a tad overweight, but I have a number of characteristics that women look for, so, all is not lost. Still, being sexually rejected by a desirable partner hits you at the core of your being; essentially, you, as an entity, is not worth reproducing – it’s such a gut punch. However, if all I wanted was sex, I would have done it by now, but it’s not. I desire a deep, emotional and spiritual connection and I don’t want that contaminated with fleeting, meaningless pleasure-seeking escapades.

The virginity/promiscuity dichotomy is an interesting one because what is revered or praised in women is mocked and ridiculed in men and vice versa. There’s a difference between accepting individual differences and what is promoted and accepted on a mass societal level. I don’t agree with an inverting of the table, I don’t think that helps anyone. Overall, I believe the porn industry, and more recently OnlyFans and the like, have had a net negative impact on society. We’ve returned to worshipping the Whore of Babylon (maybe I’m religious after all haha).

I think we’ve seen a bit of a shift from the “I don’t want to be alone” perspective to “I’d rather be alone than with the wrong person” mindset. I might be sexually inexperienced, but I’m not naïve and immature. Humans are novelty-seeking creatures, we like to experiment and try things out, we like pleasurable experiences…and with such freedom comes the inevitable errors. The highs may have eluded me, but I’ve also avoided the pitfalls.

I still believe I will find my life partner. I still believe I’m going about it the right way. I am a man of principles that can withstand the shame from society that I receive. I can’t guarantee that I won’t make mistakes; I may be sexually pure, but a flawed man I am, possessed of good and evil. In the pursuit of truth, beauty and love, I shall be steadfast.

Happy Valentine’s everyone.

Photo by Jamie Street on Unsplash.

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