Roads less travelled
- Martyn Foster
- Sep 19
- 4 min read
Why saying no to the default life is quickly becoming the default path in life.
The thing I’ll immediately say is that if you do deviate from the default path, the normal path, the tried-and-true path, don’t expect it to be easy nor for people to understand or even accept you. I find that so many people nowadays expect such things to be universally worshipped, but they never will be, and the sooner everyone realises that the better off we all will be.
But Martyn, if more and more people are deviating from the norm, doesn’t that make it the new norm?
No, because it’s too individualised to generalise. What I mean by that is that the deviations are not the same, but the act of deviating is.
Okay, now I’ve got that out the way we can start properly. I can clearly see a growing segment of society bailing on traditional pathways. This has both positives and negatives, and it’s very easy to focus on the negatives – “the nail that sticks out gets hammered” and all. What I’d like to do is bring up a few ‘whats’ and ‘whys’ along with some associated points whilst trying to refrain from being too judgemental.
Firstly, are we pathologising normality? I mean, there certainly are some odd priorities nowadays, different cares and changing worldviews, but to the extent that the human species is a Gaussian distribution (bell curve), most people by definition are going to be normal. There are going to be patterns of life which work and are accepted by the majority of people, granted these get updated from time to time, but the central ideals rarely change.
"He who controls the past controls the future. He who controls the present controls the past." – George Orwell, 1984.
There are numerous fierce discussions being had across a lot of countries with regards to traditions, histories and the past; what we should keep and let go, what we should remember or forget. I’m not going to get into specifics, but the stories and events that make up the foundations of our societies are paramount to the way we understand ourselves and how we move forward together as a community.
I explore more the relevance and importance of stories in:
I have highlighted many a time the seclusion and solitude that characterises my life, I even wrote a poem called the “Heroic Hermit” as an exploration of the two seemingly opposite forms of being. However, I see so many more people choosing to live lives separate from others, in part at least due to the rising insufferable nature of modern people. Yet, we live in the middle of loneliness epidemic! How do we cure a loneliness epidemic where people increasingly want to reduce social interaction?
“We always seem to want what we don’t have – old vs young, fat vs skinny, tall vs short, men vs women, poor vs wealth, muscles vs slim, children vs child-free, partner vs single, social vs solitude etc.”
I have thought of making this into its own article, but for now I’ll include it here. There are changing views around the importance of family. Gradually, more and more people are either disowning/cutting off their families or choosing not to have one of their own, and I’ve been trying to understand why modernity casts a differing eye on the once bedrock institution. One thing’s for certain, this hyper-individualisation is definitely a factor, a progressively narrowing self-interest – what doesn’t serve me is removed.
I think I’ll end this with some quick-fire points of difference I’m noticing. They might be competing perspectives or behavioural trends in regards to life paths or outlooks.
Freedom or safety and security? The more you favour one, the other suffers.
Single or lonely? Are people really pursuing being by themselves or are they struggling to connect?
Pets over kids – certainly easier to manage!
No marriage – or married and kids later in life (or blended families)
Divorces – COVID definitely did a number on a lot of marriages, but so has a lot of other life pressures and what people want from life.
Separate holidays – I’m not sure I’ll ever understand partners going on separate holidays or why it has become a thing.
No job/career in field of study – Either few opportunities or out of need or lost interest/isn’t what they thought or industry changes.
Multiple jobs/careers – no one stays in the same job or company anymore! It’s like musical chairs.
Study – almost a necessity to gain employment anywhere, not done for the purpose of gaining knowledge.
Home ownership or renting – Most used to be able to buy a home reasonably comfortably, now some will never own a home in their entire lifespan.
No car – not even a driver’s licence for some! The car used to be symbol of freedom, fun, self-expression (I still view it so)…
Tech-infused lifestyle – there is no separation, constant sharing of life, Tik Tok and you don’t stop, never has there ever been so much evidence of people doing absolutely nothing with their lives…and yet it has also transformed and enabled a lot of people to do the very things and live lives we couldn’t even imagine 20 years ago.
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